ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
