Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
