Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
