How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My life is pants optional.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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