my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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