It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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