some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
