all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
