i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
