everyone is single if you try hard enough
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
