I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
