Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
