Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
