some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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