Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
