We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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