Banned from zoo.
Again?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
