I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
