I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
