"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
