Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
