Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
