She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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