I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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