the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
