He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
