They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The best revenge is premature balding
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
