rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
