that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
