He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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