Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
