So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
