Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
