Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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