The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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