i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I need to stop coming to work sober
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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