Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
