We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
