Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
