opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
