when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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