Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
