That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
