i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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