Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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