I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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