This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
