I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
