Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
