Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
